Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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