So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
