I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Randomize
