At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
