dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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