Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
It was confusing and full of hummus
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
