I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize