Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
