I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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