Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
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