I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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