Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
