Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
