No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
