Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
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I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
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You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Bring me that man meat
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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