A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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