And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
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