the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
