I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
