$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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