can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
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Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
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I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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