sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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