Pants 0. Shit 1.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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