Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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