You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
