Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
is it fun? or sober?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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