He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
