we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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