I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize