i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
