He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
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