come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
