Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
