Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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