So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
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You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
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I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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