wakey wakey hands off snakey
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Randomize
