Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Randomize
