my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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