So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
