There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
