Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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