I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
