I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I could make wine with my vomit
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
