Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
