God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
