swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize