i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
And then he peed in my hair
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
