Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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