She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
