If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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