How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
He? As in you personified your dick?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
