I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
