So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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