worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
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