Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
