In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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