i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
