I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
