I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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