You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
