my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
