I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
We're too hungover to prance.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize
