I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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