I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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