well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
