so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
