omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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