I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize