i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
