Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Come on in and take your pants off
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