Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
