He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
