U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?