I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
