im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
