my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
